Hand Me My Stabbing Knife!

I am cranky like a mother fucking fuck-fucker today. I don't know where it's coming from but I am irritable and angry. Things that would normally not phase me at all are getting under my skin. I'll provide an example. My coworker went to get coffee and paid for my coffee and a pastry but took fifteen minutes longer than it would normally take and I was hugely pissed off.

Things that happened today that were actually annoying were magnified by a factor of 10. It's amazing none of the little kids got punched in the mouth today. Fortunately for them I have extreme reserves of patience for children and almost none for adults.

Maybe I need to break something or fuck something or break something by fucking it. I just have these strange swells of anger today. Maybe some deep repressed memory is coming to the surface. Pent up hostility? Perhaps I've realized that I have wasted the last 10 years of my life and I'll never get them back. Maybe I'm tired of living in San Francisco and being a teacher. Today I even hate the word "teacher." Maybe I feel like I'm being a good human being day in and day out and I'm not getting anything for it. Maybe I'm angry because I've realized that it doesn't work that way. Maybe I'm extra angry because I don't know why I'm angry.

Instead of trying to analyze this mental state I find myself in any further I'm just going to sleep. You people with more energy can go out and find a deserving recipient that you can bitch slap right across the face. You can wear your pimp rings or not as long as you leave a mark and it makes a loud, satisfying smack sound. I don't enjoy feeling this way. I'm not even experiencing an adrenaline anger rush or anything remotely pleasant feeling. If this keeps up for a few more days I'm thinking of going on a crime spree. Maybe that would help get it out of my system.

I hate the fact that I'm in bed but I have to get up to brush my teeth. Stupid fuckin' teeth. Somebody should punch teeth right in their face.

Bad Beans

Last Monday I was taking a break out in the Farm and Garden area of our school and I had only eaten a bit of a bagel for lunch. Normally people munch on the snap peas and cherry tomatoes from the garden and I was a bit hungry so I opened up a few of the bean pods and nibbled on them rght off the vine. They were pretty crunchy but some were tender enough to eat and why not have some extra protein, right?

It was a stormy afternoon of heavy rain. I managed to bike home during a lull in the storm and cleaned off my dirty bike like an OCD person. A few minutes later I was hit with a wave of nausea the likes of which I can't recall. I was in the middle of leaving a message on my friend's voicemail and ended it with. "Good lord, I have to go I'm going to throw up." I did throw up. In fact I threw up every five minutes for the next four hours and fourty minutes. I immediately called my nanny. Yes, I have a nanny. She's really just a good friend that gives me a lift and helps keep me organized at times but I call her my nanny and she doesn't mind. So this throwing up baffles me until I see these tiny bits of bean coming up and taste what I can only describe as a bile and poison mixture in my mouth. Vile.

My nanny arrives to find me sprawled out on the bathroom floor. By now my stomach is empty and nothing but bile is coming up. There is a searing pain in my stomach that continues to build. Then the other end of my body starts to do the same thing. Nothing quite like puking while already on the toilet. And the good times were just beginning. I ended up just getting into the shower and lying down.

My nanny googles beans + poison and discovers this.

It was quite a torturous experience. She called the doctor and they told her to get me to a hospital if I was still throwing up at 9pm. I stopped at 8:45pm and was happy not to have to take a trip to the E.R.. I was already pretty dehydrated before the nastyness started and the cramping was pretty unpleasant. Then there were the toxins that made me start to shake pretty violently and the soarness in my muscles that made it feel as if I had be hit with a hammer in all my muscles. At one point the only parts of my body that didn't hurt were my earlobes

I've had food poisoning a few times before and it was nothing like this. I was worried at one point that I had done myself in and it was quite scary. I spent the next day recuperating from the physical toll that had been placed on my body. When I finally was able to drink some tea and eat a grape it tasted like the finest thing I had ever eaten. A few days later my chest muscles were still sore and I needed a belt for jeans that were normally quite snug.

So kids. Don't eat raw beans.

xoxo

Kranki

October Madness

October in San Francisco is a perpetual blur of costumed madness and parties. Sounds awful, doesn't it? As an extropervert* it's just about my favorite times of the year. You can tell how much fun I'm having by how eggregiously messy my room is. Some of the fun events include. Lovefest, Hardly Strictly Bluegrass, Halloween Critical Mass, Folsom Street Fair (if you're into gay men having sex in public), Castro Street Fair, Octoberfest and today's Decompression. I met so many people from the slew of people I've crossed paths and rus shoulders (etc) with since I moved to this strange city. On top of the October festivities there are at least half a dozen people throwing birthday bashes this month. Here are a few photos of the day. I'll put a few more up on Flickr tomorrow. It felt good to get the camera out again and see that I haven't gotten too rusty.

I didn't realize it but these shots all have a couple theme to them.

Now I just need to come up with a costume idea for Halloween. No ideas are leaping out and French kissing my brain yet.

* only compared to truly boring people