Urge to Purge #1

Things get stuck in my head. Sometimes they are nightmares, sometimes they're deep philosophical questions and sometimes they're just lyrics to a horrid Paula Abdul song like Opposites Attract. Most people have enough room in their brains to just store these things up. I don't have the space to keep it all. Unfortunatley for me between the demons that live there, my depression, and some light recreational drug use there ain't all that much extra brain space left. Whereas most people can store billions of gigabytes of such crap, I have about as much mental storage room as an ipod shuffle. The old one.

This is my attempt to clear out my mind's lint trap,purge my mind and give the nice demons a bit more room to put their feet up and stretch out while they play cards with old man Depression. I'm basically dumping out the crap that gets clogged in the pool filter onto my blog.

Here is the thing that's been bouncing around my head. Best Seller Lists. I know that they track books to see which are best sellers. Does this mean that there is also a list of worst sellers out there? Ever other book I see has something about it being a best seller slapped on the cover so wouldn't that make it more special for a book to be on the worst seller list? What in the name of beloved Baby Jesus are the worst seller books about? The History of Burlap? How to Boil Water? Ant Farm Maintenence?

My Idea is to simply put out some slapped together book but then give it the big fat cover title of "875 Weeks on the New York Times Best Seller List!!!" That is bound to sell a few copies. Well, I feel temporarily purged. Now if I could get the chorus of that crappy Ben Lee song Catch My Disease unstuck from inside my head I'd be a happy Krankiboy.

When in doubt, take the dogs back out

I'm visiting with my mom during an extended Thanksgiving visit. This is in part to see her to address my guilt over being a bad son and not calling her for many months, part to eat the amazing food that she cooks, family bonding blah blah, but mostly because I like it up here in San Francisco. Something that I find odd about my mother is her ability to have a completely one track mind.
Here are two such examples.
I'll say "Hey, krankimom, do you mind if I watch football on television?"
"Sure, that's fine...what do you think we should have for dessert tomorrow?"
"Um... whatever... or nothing."
"I can make a cherry cake. It will go well with the turkey soup."
At this point I pretended to be absorbed by the game rather than get into a stupid discussion over how cherry cake and turkey soup "go well" together.

She seems to use my visit as an excuse to make lavish deserts that she can then feel less guilty about eating.

Later the next day
"Mom, what channel is your CNN up here?
"I don't know but we need to go to the market before it closes to get the ingredients for the cherry cake that you asked me to make."
"I never mentioned cherry cake, Mom. You did."
"Well, whoever, I still need the ingredients if you want me to make it."
That's when I announced that the dogs needed to be taken on another walk. Why not, they hadn't been outside in nearly 35 minutes.

Happy Hollywood Holidays from Kramer and The Juice

Golly, it sure has been a fun week here in Hollywoodland.


Zany Michael Richards

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Lovable O.J. Simpson

I love watching the Michael Richards clip. There is something very raw and mesmirizing about watching a human being have a nervous breakdown and totally self destruct on stage. It's like watching somebody take leave of their senses and drive off a cliff on purpose.

Doesn't O.J. look happy lately? You would too if you just got paid millions of dollars for a TV show that is never going to air and a book entitled If I Did It Here's How it Would Have Happened. Bill O'Reily (Self Important Duchebag and MSNBC personality) is taking credit for having Fox decide not to air the tasteless attempt at ratings grabbing. The reality is that no advertisers wanted to buy time on the show which is the business decision for why it was scrapped. But the important thing is that O.J. got paid but still has yet to pay any of the 17.7 million dollar judgment that he lost in civil court. I wish the judgment had been that O.J. must rejoin the National Football league so I could watch them knock the living shit out of him every Sunday. I'm currently working on a sure fire hit. It's a wacky Buddy comedy Starring O.J. Simpson and Michael Richards as two LAPD Homicide cops who bond over their love of Necrophilia. Mel Gibson plays their kooky, Jew-hatin' police chief. Hilarity ensues.

I'm just going to sit back and wait for Fox and Rupert Murdoch to call. The O.J. and Kramer casting combo is gonna be the biggest thing since Chocolate met Peanutbutter. I strongly suggest that you start kissing my ass now so I'll invite you to the show's premier party. I've got to go now and pre-count my money. I just need some suggestions for a good name for the show.

xoxo Executive Producer, Krankiboy

Gobble Fucking Gobble

Yeah, it's nearly Thanksgiving time here in America or as the rest of the English speaking world calls it... Thursday.

Pardon me for sounding like a cuntarded stand-up comedian but I feel the need to make the observation that Turkey Day is a stupid holiday. The best thing I can say for the holiday is that millions of little kids trace their hand to make the outline of turkeys. Thanks to the Indians for helping the pilgrims survive the harsh winters when they first arrived in North America. Sorry about killing you all off and taking your land but if the Casinos do well enough maybe you can buy your land back and restock the place with buffalo.

Make your own Hand Turkey... Bitch Amusingish Hand Turkeys