A Day Just For You

An Inspiration Born From Agony

I've just spent the last few days with my family up in San Francisco. My mom is as energetic as a dead jellyfish and only slightly more talkative. My aunts are nice but I have absolutely nothing in common with them. It's made me feel very strongly that there needs to be a holiday on which we spend an entire day alone. Immersed in complete, solitude, so that we can appreciate ourselves and the fact that we are alive without distraction.
I don't think I could tolerate any more insipid, inane, small talk. "So, what's new with you?" "How's the job going?" "Dude did you score those mushrooms for me yet? But Dude, you promised!" I think we've all heard that one enough this holiday season.

So I have decided that it is essential that this 24 hour period of quiet reflection and social isolation should have no outside distractions. I think I'd spend MY DAY (as I'm calling it, since the focus groups I used really liked it) I'd spend my day of quiet contemplation in Huntington Gardens nestled amongst the cacti, just listening to the wind move through the foliage. But actually, I'd probably get irritable by noon if I didn't have something to eat-- okay, so, in addition to the day of isolation, contemplation and somber solitude, I propose packing a lovely picnic for one, with some nice wine or a few cocktails to wash it down. If you're gonna be alone for that long you're gonna need to have a little drink. Okay, maybe 24 hours is pushing it. I supposed you'd get the idea of being alone after like four or five hours. That's a long time to sit by a cactus garden even with a delicious meal. So I'm making one small amendment that will allow a few close friends to join you later in the day to discuss their quiet self searching meditative experience. And then somebody should bring music or a guitar at least, no after that long just "being" you'd really want to have something with a thump thump beat that you can groove to. So there should be a nice sound system. And it's somewhat rude to have some friends come and not others so, it'd be best to invite all your friends, so nobody wigs out over not being invited to your day of solitude. So, that's the deal. Actually, looking this holiday over it seems silly not to have some new faces in the crowd. It's always fun to mix and mingle and meet new people. So, there should be lots of cool people that you've never met before on hand for you to chat with and take home at the end of the night to have sex with. (If you're into that sort of thing) And for fuck sake, whatever you do- Don't run out of hard liquor, that's always when I jet from a party. Audi-5 for Kranki. It also makes it harder to convince people to leave the party and have sex with you if they're still at all sober. So have lots of alcohol on hand and some good weed and a bong with a nice pull that people can pass around. And you don't want a flood of drunk people leaving your place to get into wrecks. Because we all know how the old saying goes... "Car wrecks equal no sex." So have some food for the people to put in their stomachs. Christ, don't be irresponsible when you're having an ALL ALONE DAY with so many people in attendance. Maybe even have one of those big hero sandwiches there. And barbecue chips. Those are soo good. But above all have a great ALL ALONE DAY so you can cleanse yourself and feel rejuvenated and self-aware. I know this idea is going to catch on. Oh, lastly don't get upset if your ALL ALONE DAY gets a bit out of hand and something at your place breaks or somebody overdoses or the pot gets laced with PCP and this one dude who crashed the party accidentally stands too close to a candle and his shirt catches fire and the cops have to bust it up and your neighbors are all angry at you. It's not about all that chaos and crap. It's all about taking time out just for you.

I think I'm gonna do an alone day on my birthday this year. Maybe a few people at like a steak house and then we hit a strip club or two. I think it's nice to share your all alone day with women who get paid to take their clothes off and who will stick their breasts in your face and grind on your lap for like 20 bucks more. Isn't that what the spirit of ALL ALONE DAY is really about? God Bless and find your focus! Pink petal floating on a black pool, find your focus, calm and cool.

krankiboy