Show and Tell

Sometimes the simple ideas are still the best.

When my friend Justin told me that he was going to be reading a story for a performance called "Show and Tell" my mind immediately went back to the memories of show and tell from my years in grade school. I have a clear image of Marla, the little girl who brought in her pet fruit bat. She must have had some fucking whacked out hippie parents to have a fruit bat as a pet. Most of the girls in class were freaked out by the sight of it. One girl got so scared by the little flying mammal that she wet herself. I bet Marla's parents would have had plenty more showing and telling to do if the Drug Enforcement Agency ever came by and searched their place. There was also Danny who brought in a plastic model of the human heart, just to rub it in your face and remind you that BOTH of his parents were wealthy cardiologists. Me? I brought in some cheap knock-off Lego things that would glow in the dark and were very easy to snap together if you had the hand strength of a adult silver back gorilla and didn't mind enduring intense pain in your fingers with every snap. My glow blocks were left in the back seat of our car and melted together. Then they just became a glow in the dark alien blob who would battle my Star Wars and G.I.Joe figures. The blob still had some car seat material still stuck to its bottom. But the Show and Tell that I remember most vividly was little 9 year-old Thomas Lee. Thomas was an "aromatically challenged" young man, who liked to "experiment" on insects and very small animals. But on Show and Tell day Thomas dazzled us all when he brought in his uncle's prized possesion. It was an authentic Marine Soldier sword used by Thomas's grandfather during World War II. It was still sharp, really heavy and, as Thomas repeatedly exclaimed, "It's got real Jap blood dried right onto the blade." It did indeed have a big brown drip stain on it. Thomas was the runaway hit of Show and Tell. But for this instant fame he paid the price. Thomas wasn't big on following the rules, so it wasn't surprising that he hadn't asked for his uncle's permission bring in this treasured and historic heirloom. Thomas must have received the spanking of a lifetime. The butt beating he received was so scaring that Thomas never again even participated during Show and Tell time. He just stared off into space or doodled at his desk. Perhaps he'd found his happy place. I heard that Danny brag brag "my parents are doctors of cardiology" went on to medical school and became a doctor. Truly surprising. Thomas went on to a pretty good University where he was quickly thrown out for repeatedly "stalking" a girl from one of his classes. Again, shocking. And the knockoff Lego glow-in-the-dark kid went on to write about my former classmates. I don't know what became of Marla and her fruit bat. I wish I remembered its name. I know it was named after a fruit. Let's just say the little bat's name was Peaches.
The Show and Tell that my friend recently invited me to was at a cool little theater on Santa Monica Boulevard. It was just the storyteller and a chair on stage. Justin had asked me what story he should put together for the event, but as soon as he said "Show and Tell" all I could think about were the skeletal remains of some poor Japanese soldier who had been brutally stabbed in the chest by a Marine sword and lay slowly dying as his blood collected and absorbed into the sand on some remote South Pacific Beach.

Justin closed the show that consisted of five talented writers and one actress telling their very funny personal stories. He got many laughs. He had at least a 3 to 1 ratio of big laughs to groans of disgust. Which is exactly what you might expect from a white boy goes to all black bachelor party story that climaxed with the entertainment lady sucking a guy's dick using a ziplock bag for a condom. It was good to see my home boy Justin bring the house down and close the show on a high note. Justin told me and some other "funny guys" that we should do one of the next show and tell performances. I don't know if or when I'm going to read my story at a future Show and Tell, but I can promise you that it will be dedicated to Peaches, the fruit bat.