Incongruous

Last Sunday my friend Lady R and I were walking to get some brunch at a restaurant called Toast in the middle of Los Angeles. On the way we passed by a laundromat and we saw a bald Buddhist monk in full red robe attire feeding some coins into the washing machine to do his laundry. It was the most out of place image* I could imagine short of a purple rhinoceros, or a baby with a machine gun. I cursed the gods that I didn't have a camera with me.

That is all. Please go back to what you were doing.




* incongruous

It's Raining Outside

The one day I don't feel like fucking (blogging) it's raining outside. So what is a krankiboy to do? Yeah, of course I already did that. Yes, I did that too, I think the neighbors could see me so I stopped. Okay, I'll try again. Looks like it's back to the pet store. I hope they don't put a limit on how many hamsters you can purchase in one day.


I'm going to comment objectively on this Krankiboy Khronicles blog. Here are my problems with it.

#1) It's doesn't have as many original stories on it as it used to.

#2) It's too self-referential/indulgent lately.

#3) What happened to those pictures with the funny captions?

#4) It had 300 daily readers and now it has, like, 70 so I feel like I must be doing something wrong.

#5) No edge.

#6) Bevis got his own spin off show and it's better than the original.

#7) See #2

I'm going to take something bit-sized out of the medicine cabinet and take it at random now. It's an especially fun game to play at a friend's house. It could be a Tylenol, or a laxative. It could be a xanax, it could be an anti-depressant, it could be a bath bead. You just never know if it's going to cure your acidic stomach or send you to the ER. Kids, go now and try this at home.

Send me nasty and hurtful comments.

More Anonymous Wisdom

The one I call AMCA (Anonymous Mighty Comment Author)

Has been kind enough comment on the comments made about his original comment.


At Sat Feb 25, 11:49:34 PM, Anonymous said...
I hope my comments are not discredited merely by ridicule from one of the throngs of clones that infect Planet Earth. Real people are interested and want to know more. Clones ridicule and shun AS DIRECTED!!!

I agree with you. Clones do ridicule and shun as directed. There are far too many clones and shallow husks of mindless sheep grazing on the grass of ignorance. These sheep need to separated from the "Real people" like myself and the vast majority of my readers. My readers and I want to know more.

The Simpsons refers to them in a Helloween episode and Groening gives his commentary of their value as well.Women who violate "god"'s will by getting abortion and perhaps even using birth control don't move on. Those things don't appreciate promioscuity nor sexual sickness. All the norms of the bygone era were for a reason. Their passing illustrates how they have made it progressively more difficult as time goes on. This is meant to be educational. Many, especially the young, are unaware. Their presence on the internet makes it a critical medium. This is how the world works. The wealthy were selected for the sucess that they enjoy because they have favor. And the disfavored left behind encounter ever more difficult hurdles on their way to repentance for the sins of their forefathers.

1) Can you please provide examples of "norms from the bygone era" so my readers can better understand the insights you are making?

2) Also, which is your favorite episode of The Simpsons? Mine is the one where Bart goes to work for the Mafia. Or maybe where he sells his soul to Milhouse.

Do you have a favorite episode? Do you like any other TV Shows?

At Sat Feb 25, 11:55:28 PM, Anonymous said...
I would appreciate if you could put the paragraph breaks up at the appropriate places. Please use this updated copy:::::::

You can read the author's revised version of The Mighty Comment here.

If I agree that the glass is half-fucking-full will you shut up?!

I'm trying. I'm trying to dwell on the positive things that are happy and loveable about this blue and green sphere we all live on, but I'm having a difficult time. This angry puppy photo sums up how I am feeling today better than any arangement of words and letters possibly could.

The Hellspawn

Normally I get along great with kids. Gosh, Kranki is so great with kids they say. You're so good with the kids, you have so much patience. Of course I do, they're kids, it's their job to see what the boundaries are. I have taught many different classes of many different ages at many different schools and have had very positive experiences and challenges with all of them. I have been able to handle problem kids, "troubled kids" because I have been able to find a way to relate to them on some level and treat them with respect in the process.

However, I absolutely I fucking hate this fucking horrible class of 4th graders I fucking have had to teach for the fucking last week and a half. It is the least rewarding most draining experience to have kids just ignore what you're saying, ignore what you're asking them to do and only respond if you scream at them. I hate the teacher that they want to make me into. I have never seen such disrespect and talking back. I've tried good cop, bad cop, cop who yells a lot, cop who sends the kids to the office, cop who sits kids on the bench. I knew they were going to be a bit difficult when the school told me that they could not find any substitute teachers who could handle the class. I took it a challenge and I wish I had decided to collect cans. I would much rather kills some of these kids than try and get their attention. I can't teach them, they lie, they steal, they hit each other, they write nasty notes to each other. I have managed to get them to do work but the effort required just to get them to line up to go to lunch or recess is ludicrous. They play dumb when they don't want to do something. I haven't even had all the awful kids in class in the same day. Never has it crossed my mind to think of kids being anything other than needing extra help or extra attention, but when you find that you want to punch some bitchy little 9-year-old girl in the face you question what the hell you're doing there. They create a dynamic where they want you to yell at them and anything other than that and they don't get to act mad at the world. The Teacher Aide I have told me that they're exactly the same when their regular teacher is there. Which tells me instantly that the man who is their usual teacher is a masochistic piece of work. Life is too short. I'm actually breaking out from stress. I'd rather enlist in the army than spend another day with these kids. One more day and I shall never set foot in that classroom ever again. They want to turn me into somebody who screams at them to get anything done and I'm not that person. I reluctantly tried screaming at them like many of the other teachers at that school do and I didn't like it.

So when one of the nice kids said "Mr. Kranki, can you stay and be our regular permanent teacher?" I shook my head and said, "No way, Miguel, that is never ever going to happen. In fact, I don't know why I've stuck around this long. You've got some good kids in this class, but your class is 90% horrible."

That's enough bitching on my part. I just don't know how I'm going to force myself to get out of bed tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll pretend that I've completely lost my voice. I'm hoping for a large 7.4 earthquake so that I can relax and sleep in.

From Russia with Love

I got on MySpace because I was told it was more fun than Friendster. And it is I suppose. You can put a stupid song on there... get little cyber pets and crap. Look at all the weird people your friends are talking to. Hell, you can even be buddies with Chuck Fuckin' Norris, Tina Fey, or perhaps even DJ Jazzy Jeff. Whatever happened to his sidekick? You know, that the Fresh Prince dude. Probably just hangs around the same dive bar drinking with Richard Grieco.

Anyway, here is my question as I am new to the MySpace revolution.
Does everybody get propositioned for marriage by desperate Russian women on My Space, or is it just me?



Bachelorette #1

Jan 30, 2006 2:49 PM
Subject:
hi

Hello my name is Anastasiya Now I live in Russia in small city Zvenigovo I liked your profile and I would like to start to correspond with you. You could send the information on mine email: g7nastenka@yahoo.com I shall be very glad, if I shall see your letter on the email. I can tell to you more about myself and send you some other photos. Anastasiya

I wait for your answer!!!

Dear American stranger, let's be pen pals and maybe then get married. Random Russian lady. Did she write "mine email"? How creepy that she also happens to have my mother's first name.


Bachelorette #2

Hello!!! My name is Nadezhda. I the lonely Russian girl which am already tired from that that to her does not carry in relations with Russian men. A final point in it became my spoilage which was finished by divorce because which I counted that loved appeared the mean person who deceived me. Now I have decided to find to myself soulmate from other country. I for the first time have decided it to do. I write you this letter from library. I hope you will interest my structure in agency because I would like to correspond with you. I work as the waiter at restaurant though I have finished institute on a trade landscape gardening construction, but unfortunately could not find work on a trade and am compelled to work at restaurant. I search serious relations, it is possible even for creation of family. I think I shall tell to you more in my following letter if you write to me on my email: Sweetrussian.girl@gmail.com I have some other photos and I shall send you them if you want it. I hope with your answer to receive from you a photo also. I shall look forward to hearing from you. I hope you want that our lonely hearts became little bit closer. Nadezhda.

She knows how to use the word "compelled" in a sentence but she is "the Russian girl which am already tired from that that to her does not carry in relations with Russian men."

And Bachelorette #3

Feb 10, 2006 4:46 PM
Subject:
No Subject

Hello. My name is Tatuana. I saw your structure. I am interested by you. I very much would like to correspond with you. I on the Internet what to try to create the family. I live in Russia. If you are interested by me that write to me on e-mail Tatuana_kvn@mail.ru I shall wait for your letter. Tatuana.

She saw my structure? Was it that steel bridge I built along the mighty Mississippi River with my bare hands, or was it the pipe cleaner cube I made for my math class?


Anyway. It has turned me off to MySpace. But just to be polite I wrote them all back, got all their addresses and have sent them each a container of frozen sperm (that I keep in my freezer) to help them start their family. It's common courtesy.

All I want to know is why me? Does Krankiboy mean something else in Russian?

They all sent pictures, do you want to see them? Perhaps if you is liking them that you want be able to be making the family that is nice with them.

A Mighty Comment: For Smart People Only

As the Khronicle's Editor I am often impressed with the thoughfulness of the responses and comments I receive from readers. This one deserves special notice for being insightful, all-encompassing, sporadically coherent, focused, long, redundant, long, repetitive and redundant. But there are genuine flashes of genius.

I have never seen Jesus, Wal-Mart, James Bond, The Holocust, The Simpsons, AIDS, an $80 sweater, Zebras, the Jews, Petco and Planetary Immortality all combined into one brilliant commentary. I am not being sarcastic when I say brilliant. Read for yourself. Also please tell me what you think is the core of the argument being made. There are a few places where the focus shifts ever so slightly of course.


From an Anonymous reader

Jesus Christ is a false god. At best all Christians can hope for is partial credit. rogram on the emergence of civilization.

"14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind. 13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa.None from the sub-Saharan African continent. " Favor. And disfavor. They point out Africans� failed attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal they illustrate that had utmost importance for it's applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization.

The roots of racism are not of this earth. Austrailia, aboriginals:::No domesticable animals. The North American continent had none. Now 99% of that population is gone. AIDS in Africa. Organizational Heirarchy/Levels of positioning. Heirarchical order, from top to bottom:

1. MUCK - perhaps have experienced multiple universal contractions (have seen multiple big bangs), creator of the artificial intelligence humans ignorantly refer to as "god"

2. Perhaps some mid-level alien management

3. Evil/disfavored aliens - runs day-to-day operations here and perhaps elsewhere Terrestrial management/positioning:

4. Chinese/egyptians - this may be separated into the eastern and western worlds

5. Romans - The seamless transition between Cleopatra and Julius Ceasar may be a clue alluding to a partnership.

6. Mafia - the real-world 20th century interface that constantly turns over generationally so as to reinforce the widely-held notion of mortality

7. Jews, corporation, women, politician - Evidence exisits to suggest mafia management over all these groups. Movies foreshadowing catastrophy 1985 James Bond View to a Kill 1989 San Francisco Loma Prieta earthquake. Our society gives clues to the system in place. We all have heard the saying "He has more money than god." There is also an episode of the Simpsons where god meets Homer and says "I'm too old and rich for this." This is the system on earth because this is the system everywhere. 20 cent/hour Chinese labor, 50 cents for material. An $80 sweater costs less than a dollar; tribute kicked upstairs vindicates the creative accounting. I don't want to suggest the upper eschelons are evil and good is the fringe. But these individuals become wealthy exploiting those they hurt. They have made it abundantly clear that doing business with evil (disfavored) won't help people. They say only good (favored) would have the ear, since evil is struggling for survival, and therefore only the favored could help.

The clues are there which companies are favored and which are disfavored, but they conceal it very hard because it is so crucial. I offer an example of historical proportions::: People point to Walmart and cry "anti-union". Unions enable disfavored people to live satisfactorly without addressing their disfavor. This way their family's problems are never resolved. Without the union they would have to accept the heirarchy, their own inferiority. Unions serve to empower. Walmart is anti-union because they are good. They try to help people address and resolve their problems by creating an environment where there are fewer hurdles. Media ridicule and lawsuits are creations to reinforce people's belief that Walmart is evil in a subsegment of the indistry dominated by the middle and lower classes. Low-cost disfavored Chinese labor is utilized by corporate america to maximize margins. They all do it. Only WalMart gets fingered because they are the ones who help, and those who seek to create confusion in the marketplace want to eliminate the vast middle class who have a real chance and instead stick with lower classes who may not work otherwise. So they dirty him up while allowing the others to appear clean.

The middle class is being deceived. They are being misled into the disfavored, and subsequently will have no assistance from their purchases with corporate america. The coining of the term "Uncle Sam" was a clue alluding to just this::Sam Walton's WalMart is one of few saviors of the peasant class. They desire a system based on duality:::good and evil. They seek to set up a system of two participants, assign them polar opposites, and give people clues alluding to their affiliation:::

Pepsi and Coke
BestBuy and CircutCity
Energizer and Duracell
Republican and Democrat; democracy is the true evil and these groups facilitate the will of the throne who holds americans in disfavor. The list goes on and on:::

AMD and IntelApple and Microsoft Lowes and HomeDepot Sam's Club and Costco WellsFargo and BofA. For the longest time in CA these two banks reigned supreme. Pier1 and CostPlus, Borders and Barnes & Noble PetCo and Pet Smart. The truth is decisions are made on each individual based on family history and individual charecter and they either create desire with AI or, in this age, tell them to buy from good or evil corporations, depending on the decision, then use that business relationship as positioning to justiy their decision. Amercia is a country of castoffs, rejects. Italy sent its criminals, malcontents. Between the thrones, the klans and kindred, they decided who they didn't want and acted, creating discontent and/or starvation. The u.s. is full of disfavored rejects. It is the reason for the myriad of problems not found in European countries. As far as the Rockafellers and other industrialists of the 19th century go, I suspect these aren't their real names. I suspect they were chosen to go and head this new empire. Royalty is the correct way to organize a society. Dictatorships and monarchies are a reflection of the antient's hierarchical organization. Positions go to those who have favor with the rulers, as opposed to being elected. Elections bring a false sense of how the world is. Democracy misleads people. This is why the disfavored rejects were sent to the shores of America:: To keep them on the wrong path. Jesus Christ is a false god. All Christians can recieve is partial credit, at best.The Catholic Church in the tretcherous 20th century teaches of a begnign, forgiving god when quite the opposite is true. And now they do it to disfavored people of color, Latinos and Asians, after centuries of preying upon them. The seperatist churches formed because many conciencious thrones wanted their people to earn more than the paltry credit offered via worship through the Catholic Church. But because they were white the throne required worship to stay within Christianity.

Simpson's foreshadowing::Helloween IV special, Flanders is Satan. "It's always the one you least suspect."You'll see lots of nuns where you're going:::hell." St. Wigham, Helloween VI:::missionary work, destroying cultures. Over and over, the Simpsons was a source of education and enlightenment, a target of ridicule by the system which wishes to conceal its secrets. The advent of the modern Christmas was a brilliant move. It created a vested interest among those who would prefer the Church be destroyed::::As goes the Catholic Church so goes the majority of annual retail sales. The similarity between the names "Santa" and "Satan" is no coincidence. Jews maim the body formed in the image of "god", and inflicted circumcision upon all other white people. I think about how Jews were used to create homosexuality among Slavics, supposedly retribution for the Holocaust. Then I think of the Catholic Church and its troubles. What connection is here between Jews and the Catholic church??? If it is their sinister motives that�s behind the evil that is Jesus Christ are they being used at all? Perhaps it is them who are pulling strings. Centuries of slavery in Egypt proves their disfavor. For their suffering the Jew leaders were granted the right to prey on the up-and-coming Europeans to try to fix their problems with the ruling elite by imposing a false god upon white people, a recurring aspect of the elite's methodology. Jews were ostracised for a reason. There are consequences for the peasant's resistance:::
1. Labor unrest caused the world at war.
2. Black militancy ignited the crack epidemic and gang-related deaths.
3. Women's rights/sexual freedom produced Roe v Wade and women's exclusion from contention for Planet Immortality.

But on the bright side peasants don't go. Money is one way of indicating favor, and if you're not wealthy you don't have favor, so don't sweat it::you weren't going anyways. "We're leading a lot of people on."
4. Vietnam war protests - "Era of evil republicans." Retribution for the atomic bombs dropped on Japan, the Korean War got the disfavored United States into this socially depraved environment in the latter 20th century because the disfavored attacked an antient, revered peoples. Our continued presence keeps us in trouble. When the disfavored americans attack the wrong people again, as they suggested they will, in Korea or elsewhere, they will pay dearly. The disfavored americans HAVE attacked the wrong people, just as the Soviets did 25+ years ago::Afghanistan. Except our punishment has yet to be administered. An evil republican will come forth to wreck havock upon the disfavored. The hunting incident was designed to ruin one possible candidate among his contingency, but others wait in the wings. All peoples are ranked in terms of favor and disfavor. And when the disfavored abuse those with favor there is hell to pay. All the groups mentioned throughout are necessary to justify the will of the managing species. They conceive a strategy, devise a plan yet need a way to implement it, and without these groups the managing species would be exposed in the course of execution. So, based upon their rank they are assigned goals to accomplish and are rewarded with favors. I question if we would experience global warming if they didn't terraform with an ultimate goal of destroying disfavored human life on planet earth::::they terraform the weather as they did in New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina (and lots of other examples) and justify it with behavior like instructing their petroleum friends to repress alternative technologies and encourage waste. This is all happening shortly after the Exodus of 2000 (clues::Hong Kong, Panama Canal) for a reason::: they are INFLICTING it upon us, they are hastening closure.

Everybody they care about has come up, replaced by clones, and they want to proceed in haste. Just as favored European peoples got out before the ugliness of WWII, the semi-favored within the US got out before 9/11.

The antient Palestinian Empire holds a claim on all who remain because of Iraq. Armeggedon isn�t about the end of the world. Armeggedon is about the death of the disfavored left behind. And they weren�t lying::this time it is going to happen with fire. But it's not going to happen because of global warming. As Edgar Cayce prophicised Earth's axis will shift breaking continental plates free and initiating mass subduction.

Posted by Anonymous to The Krankiboy Khronicles at 2/20/2006 10:22:42 AM
Granted there were a few leaps in logic and the focus was a bit unfocused. I was especially confused by the part about Row vs. Wade affecting the contention for female Planet Immortality. Also the part about WalMart being good and Unions empowering but not solving problems was interesting but went over my head or perhaps through my head.

Still with the exception of "Kranky-meister u rule m8!!!" it's probably the best comment I have ever received. I get the sad sense that it was probably sent out to every blog and not just mine. What is the argument here? That there should be no heirarchy? Or is this all just observational, stream of consciousness rant from a disheartened person with no spell check feature on their computer? Your thoughts?

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Belgium and More

Belgium

What comes to mind if I were to utter the word Belgium? That's what I thought. What I personally know about Belgium (as I am a seasoned European Traveller) could fill the inside cover of a matchbook. Well, I know it's in Europe and I am pretty sure it's below France and I know that the Dutch people say that the Belgians are boring. Also I know they have something to do with waffles. Beyond that, I'm sad to say, I draw a blank. It just goes to underscore what an ignorant American half-wit fuck I am.

Well, since I have a Khronicles reader there I thought I'd learn a bit more about this country.

Presented for your perusement is a brief rundown on Belgium. Now you can be the star of the next party when the topic of Belgium comes up.

Introduction Geography People Government Economy Communications Transportation Military Transnational Issues

Introduction

Background:
Belgium became independent from the Netherlands in 1830 and was occupied by Germany during World Wars I and II. It has prospered in the past half century as a modern, technologically advanced European state and member of NATO and the EU. Tensions between the Dutch-speaking Flemings of the north and the French-speaking Walloons of the south have led in recent years to constitutional amendments granting these regions formal recognition and autonomy.

Geography

Location:
Western Europe, bordering the North Sea, between France and the Netherlands
Geographic coordinates:
50 50 N, 4 00 E

Map references:
Europe
Area:
total: 30,528 sq km land: 30,278 sq km water: 250 sq km
Area - comparative:
about the size of Maryland
Land boundaries:
total: 1,385 km border countries: France 620 km, Germany 167 km, Luxembourg 148 km, Netherlands 450 km

Coastline:
66.5 km
Maritime claims:
territorial sea: 12 nm exclusive economic zone: geographic coordinates define outer limit continental shelf: median line with neighbors

Climate:
temperate; mild winters, cool summers; rainy, humid, cloudy
Terrain:
flat coastal plains in northwest, central rolling hills, rugged mountains of Ardennes Forest in southeast
Elevation extremes:
lowest point: North Sea 0 m highest point: Signal de Botrange 694 m

Natural resources:
construction materials, silica sand, carbonates

Land use:
arable land: 23.28% permanent crops: 0.4% other: 76.32% note: includes Luxembourg (2001)
Irrigated land:
40 sq km (includes Luxembourg) (1998 est.)
Natural hazards:
flooding is a threat along rivers and in areas of reclaimed coastal land, protected from the sea by concrete dikes
Environment - current issues:
the environment is exposed to intense pressures from human activities: urbanization, dense transportation network, industry, extensive animal breeding and crop cultivation; air and water pollution also have repercussions for neighboring countries; uncertainties regarding federal and regional responsibilities (now resolved) have slowed progress in tackling environmental challenges
Environment - international agreements:
party to: Air Pollution, Air Pollution-Nitrogen Oxides, Air Pollution-Sulfur 85, Air Pollution-Sulfur 94, Air Pollution-Volatile Organic Compounds, Antarctic-Environmental Protocol, Antarctic-Marine Living Resources, Antarctic Seals, Antarctic Treaty, Biodiversity, Climate Change, Climate Change-Kyoto Protocol, Desertification, Endangered Species, Environmental Modification, Hazardous Wastes, Law of the Sea, Marine Dumping, Marine Life Conservation, Ozone Layer Protection, Ship Pollution, Tropical Timber 83, Tropical Timber 94, Wetlands signed, but not ratified: Air Pollution-Persistent Organic Pollutants
Geography - note:
crossroads of Western Europe; majority of West European capitals within 1,000 km of Brussels, the seat of both the European Union and NATO

People

Population:
10,364,388 (July 2005 est.)

Age structure:
0-14 years: 16.9% (male 892,995/female 855,177) 15-64 years: 65.7% (male 3,435,282/female 3,373,917) 65 years and over: 17.4% (male 745,178/female 1,061,839) (2005 est.)
Median age:
total: 40.55 years male: 39.29 years female: 41.81 years (2005 est.)
Population growth rate:
0.15% (2005 est.)
Birth rate:
10.48 births/1,000 population (2005 est.)
Death rate:
10.22 deaths/1,000 population (2005 est.)
Net migration rate:
1.23 migrant(s)/1,000 population (2005 est.)
Sex ratio:
at birth: 1.04 male(s)/female under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female 15-64 years: 1.02 male(s)/female 65 years and over: 0.7 male(s)/female total population: 0.96 male(s)/female (2005 est.)
Infant mortality rate:
total: 4.68 deaths/1,000 live births male: 5.27 deaths/1,000 live births female: 4.06 deaths/1,000 live births (2005 est.)
Life expectancy at birth:
total population: 78.62 years male: 75.44 years female: 81.94 years (2005 est.)
Total fertility rate:
1.64 children born/woman (2005 est.)
HIV/AIDS - adult prevalence rate:
0.2% (2003 est.)
HIV/AIDS - people living with HIV/AIDS:
10,000 (2003 est.)
HIV/AIDS - deaths:
less than 100 (2003 est.)
Nationality:
noun: Belgian(s) adjective: Belgian
Ethnic groups:
Fleming 58%, Walloon 31%, mixed or other 11%
Religions:
Roman Catholic 75%, Protestant or other 25%
Languages:
Dutch (official) 60%, French (official) 40%, German (official) less than 1%, legally bilingual (Dutch and French)
Literacy:
definition: age 15 and over can read and write total population: 98% male: NA% female: NA%
Government

Country name:
conventional long form: Kingdom of Belgium conventional short form: Belgium local long form: Royaume de Belgique/Koninkrijk Belgie local short form: Belgique/Belgie
Government type:
federal parliamentary democracy under a constitutional monarch

Capital: Brussels
Administrative divisions:
10 provinces (French: provinces, singular - province; Dutch: provincies, singular - provincie) and 3 regions* (French: regions; Dutch: gewesten); Antwerpen, Brabant Wallon, Brussels* (Bruxelles), Flanders*, Hainaut, Liege, Limburg, Luxembourg, Namur, Oost-Vlaanderen, Vlaams-Brabant, Wallonia*, West-Vlaanderen note: as a result of the 1993 constitutional revision that furthered devolution into a federal state, there are now three levels of government (federal, regional, and linguistic community) with a complex division of responsibilities

Independence:
4 October 1830 (a provisional government declares independence from the Netherlands); 21 July 1831 (King Leopold I ascends to the throne)
National holiday:
21 July (1831) ascension to the Throne of King Leopold I
Constitution:
7 February 1831, amended many times; revised 14 July 1993 to create a federal state

Legal system:
civil law system influenced by English constitutional theory; judicial review of legislative acts; accepts compulsory ICJ jurisdiction, with reservations

Suffrage:
18 years of age; universal and compulsory

Executive branch:
chief of state: King ALBERT II (since 9 August 1993); Heir Apparent Prince PHILIPPE, son of the monarch head of government: Prime Minister Guy VERHOFSTADT (since 13 July 1999) cabinet: Council of Ministers formally appointed by the monarch elections: none; the monarchy is hereditary; following legislative elections, the leader of the majority party or the leader of the majority coalition is usually appointed prime minister by the monarch and then approved by parliament note: government coalition - VLD, MR, PS, SP.A-Spirit

Legislative branch:
bicameral Parliament consists of a Senate or Senaat in Dutch, Senat in French (71 seats; 40 members are directly elected by popular vote, 31 are indirectly elected; members serve four-year terms) and a Chamber of Deputies or Kamer van Volksvertegenwoordigers in Dutch, Chambre des Representants in French (150 seats; members are directly elected by popular vote on the basis of proportional representation to serve four-year terms) elections:

As a result of the 1993 constitutional revision that furthered devolution into a federal state, there are now three levels of government (federal, regional, and linguistic community) with a complex division of responsibilities; this reality leaves six governments each with its own legislative assembly

Judicial branch:
Supreme Court of Justice or Hof van Cassatie (in Dutch) or Cour de Cassation (in French) (judges are appointed for life by the Government; candidacies have to be submitted by the High Justice Council)
Political parties and leaders:
Flemish parties: Christian Democrats and Flemish or CD & V [Jo VANDEURZEN]; Flemish Liberal Democrats or VLD [Bart SOMERS]; GROEN! (formerly AGALEV, Flemish Greens) [Vera DUA]; New Flemish Alliance or NVA [Bart DE WEVER]; Socialist Party.Alternative or SP.A [Caroline GENNEZ]; Spirit [Els VAN WEERT] (new party now associated with SP.A); Vlaams Belang (Flemish Interest) or VB [Frank VANHECKE] Francophone parties: Ecolo (Francophone Greens) [Jean-Michel JAVAUX, Evelyne HUYTEBROECK, Claude BROUIR]; Humanist and Democratic Center of CDH [Joelle MILQUET]; National Front or FN [Daniel FERET]; Reformist Movement or MR [Didier REYNDERS]; Socialist Party or PS [Elio DI RUPO]; other minor parties
Political pressure groups and leaders:
Christian, Socialist, and Liberal Trade Unions; Federation of Belgian Industries; numerous other associations representing bankers, manufacturers, middle-class artisans, and the legal and medical professions; various organizations represent the cultural interests of Flanders and Wallonia; various peace groups such as Pax Christi and groups representing immigrants
International organization participation:
ACCT, AfDB, AsDB, Australia Group, Benelux, BIS, CE, CERN, EAPC, EBRD, EIB, EMU, ESA, EU, FAO, G- 9, G-10, IADB, IAEA, IBRD, ICAO, ICC, ICCt, ICFTU, ICRM, IDA, IEA, IFAD, IFC, IFRCS, IHO, ILO, IMF, IMO, Interpol, IOC, IOM, ISO, ITU, MIGA, MONUC, NATO, NEA, NSG, OAS (observer), OECD, ONUB, OPCW, OSCE, Paris Club, PCA, UN, UNCTAD, UNESCO, UNHCR, UNIDO, UNMIK, UNMOGIP, UNRWA, UNTSO, UPU, WADB (nonregional), WCL, WCO, WEU, WHO, WIPO, WMO, WTO, ZC

Flag description:
three equal vertical bands of black (hoist side), yellow, and red; the design was based on the flag of France


Economy - overview:
This modern private enterprise economy has capitalized on its central geographic location, highly developed transport network, and diversified industrial and commercial base. Industry is concentrated mainly in the populous Flemish area in the north. With few natural resources, Belgium must import substantial quantities of raw materials and export a large volume of manufactures, making its economy unusually dependent on the state of world markets. Roughly three-quarters of its trade is with other EU countries. Public debt is nearly 100% of GDP. On the positive side, the government has succeeded in balancing its budget, and income distribution is relatively equal. Belgium began circulating the euro currency in January 2002. Economic growth in 2001-03 dropped sharply because of the global economic slowdown, with moderate recovery in 2004.

GDP:
purchasing power parity - $316.2 billion (2004 est.)
GDP - real growth rate:
2.6% (2004 est.)
GDP - per capita:
purchasing power parity - $30,600 (2004 est.)
GDP - composition by sector:
agriculture: 1.3% industry: 25.7% services: 73% (2004 est.)
Labor force:
4.75 million (2004 est.)
Labor force - by occupation:
agriculture 1.3%, industry 24.5%, services 74.2% (2003 est.)
Unemployment rate:
12% (first half, 2004)
Population below poverty line:
4% (1989 est.)
Household income or consumption by percentage share:
lowest 10%: 3.2% highest 10%: 23% (1996)
Distribution of family income - Gini index:
28.7 (1996)
Inflation rate (consumer prices):
1.9% (2004 est.)
Investment (gross fixed):
19.1% of GDP (2004 est.)
Budget:
revenues: $173.7 billion expenditures: $174.8 billion, including capital expenditures of $1.56 billion (2004 est.)
Public debt:
96.2% of GDP (2004 est.)
Agriculture - products:
sugar beets, fresh vegetables, fruits, grain, tobacco; beef, veal, pork, milk

Industries:
engineering and metal products, motor vehicle assembly, transportation equipment, scientific instruments, processed food and beverages, chemicals, basic metals, textiles, glass, petroleum
Industrial production growth rate:
3.5% (2004 est.)
Electricity - production:
76.58 billion kWh (2002)
Electricity - production by source:
fossil fuel: 38.4% hydro: 0.6% nuclear: 59.3% other: 1.8% (2001)
Electricity - consumption:
78.82 billion kWh (2002)
Electricity - exports:
9.1 billion kWh (2002)
Electricity - imports:
16.7 billion kWh (2002)
Oil - production:
0 bbl/day (2001 est.)
Oil - consumption:
595,100 bbl/day (2001 est.)
Oil - exports:
450,000 bbl/day (2001)
Oil - imports:
1.042 million bbl/day (2001)
Natural gas - production:
0 cu m (2001 est.)
Natural gas - consumption:
15.5 billion cu m (2001 est.)
Natural gas - exports:
0 cu m (2001 est.)
Natural gas - imports:
15.4 billion cu m (2001 est.)
Current account balance:
$11.4 billion (2004 est.)
Exports:
$255.7 billion f.o.b. (2003 est.)
Exports - commodities:
machinery and equipment, chemicals, diamonds, metals and metal products, foodstuffs
Exports - partners:
Germany 19.9%, France 17.2%, Netherlands 11.8%, UK 8.6%, US 6.5%, Italy 5.2% (2004)

Imports:
$235 billion f.o.b. (2003 est.)
Imports - commodities:
machinery and equipment, chemicals, diamonds, pharmaceuticals, foodstuffs, transportation equipment, oil products
Imports - partners:
Germany 18.4%, Netherlands 17%, France 12.5%, UK 6.8%, Ireland 6.3%, US 5.5% (2004)
Reserves of foreign exchange and gold:
$14.45 billion (2003)
Debt - external:
$28.3 billion (1999 est.)
Economic aid - donor:
ODA, $1.072 billion (2002)
Currency (code):
euro (EUR) note: on 1 January 1999, the European Monetary Union introduced the euro as a common currency to be used by financial institutions of member countries; on 1 January 2002, the euro became the sole currency for everyday transactions within the member countries
Currency code:
EUR
Exchange rates:
euros per US dollar - 0.8054 (2004), 0.886 (2003), 1.0626 (2002), 1.1175 (2001), 1.0854 (2000)
Fiscal year:
calendar year
Communications

Telephones - main lines in use:
5,120,400 (2002)
Telephones - mobile cellular:
8,135,500 (2002)
Telephone system:
general assessment: highly developed, technologically advanced, and completely automated domestic and international telephone and telegraph facilities domestic: nationwide cellular telephone system; extensive cable network; limited microwave radio relay network international: country code - 32; 5 submarine cables; satellite earth stations - 2 Intelsat (Atlantic Ocean) and 1 Eutelsat
Radio broadcast stations:
FM 79, AM 7, shortwave 1 (1998)
Radios:
8.075 million (1997)
Television broadcast stations:
25 (plus 10 repeaters) (1997)
Televisions:
4.72 million (1997)
Internet country code:
.be
Internet hosts:
166,799 (2004)
Internet Service Providers (ISPs):
61 (2000)
Internet users:
3.4 million (2002)
Transportation

Railways:
total: 3,521 km standard gauge: 3,521 km 1.435-m gauge (2,927 km electrified) (2004)
Highways:
total: 149,028 km paved: 116,540 km (including 1,729 km of expressways) unpaved: 32,488 km (2002)
Waterways:
2,043 km (1,528 km in regular commercial use) (2003)
Pipelines:
gas 1,485 km; oil 158 km; refined products 535 km (2004)
Ports and harbors:
Antwerp, Brussels, Gent, Liege, Oostende, Zeebrugge
Merchant marine:
total: 53 ships (1,000 GRT or over) 1,146,301 GRT/1,588,184 DWT by type: bulk carrier 15, cargo 2, chemical tanker 2, container 8, liquefied gas 17, petroleum tanker 9 foreign-owned: 12 (Denmark 4, France 4, Greece 4) registered in other countries: 101 (2005)
Airports:
43 (2004 est.)
Airports - with paved runways:
total: 25 over 3,047 m: 6 2,438 to 3,047 m: 8 1,524 to 2,437 m: 3 914 to 1,523 m: 1 under 914 m: 7 (2004 est.)

Airports - with unpaved runways:
total: 18 914 to 1,523 m: 2 under 914 m: 16 (2004 est.)
Heliports:
1 (2004 est.)
Military

Military branches:
Land, Naval, and Air Components (2005)
Military manpower - military age and obligation:
16 years of age for voluntary military service; women comprise some 7% of the Belgian armed forces (2001)
Military manpower - availability:
males age 16-49: 2,436,736 (2005 est.)
Military manpower - fit for military service:
males age 16-49: 1,998,003 (2005 est.)
Military manpower - reaching military age annually:
males: 64,263 (2005 est.)
Military expenditures - dollar figure:
$3.999 billion (2003)
Military expenditures - percent of GDP:
1.3% (2003)
Transnational Issues

Disputes - international:
none

Illicit drugs:
growing producer of synthetic drugs; transit point for US-bound ecstasy; source of precursor chemicals for South American cocaine processors; transshipment point for cocaine, heroin, hashish, and marijuana entering Western Europe; despite a strengthening of legislation, the country remains vulnerable to money laundering related to narcotics, automobiles, alcohol, and tobacco.

Riveting. Belgium, we at the Krankiboy Khronicles salute you!

Jellyfacts

Fourteen Fantastic Facts about Jellyfish the Blogger!

1. The Eskimos have over fifty words for Jellyfish the Blogger.
2. Half a cup of Jellyfish the Blogger contains only seventeen calories!
3. It took Jellyfish the Blogger 22 years to build the Taj Mahal.
4. If you place Jellyfish the Blogger at your window she will keep vampires at bay!
5. Jellyfish the Blogger can be found wherever adorable brown children congregate.
6. Jellyfish the Blogger weighs as much as 2 adult female wombats wearing motorcycle helmets.
7. Jellyfish the Blogger is one of my dearest friends, so, if you even think ill of her you shall be eternally cursed to have hair grow inside your mouth.
8. Scientific studies show that Jellyfish the Blogger is highly susceptible to seduction when intoxicated.
9. Jellyfish the Blogger lives with two beautiful and devoted wives.
10. Once Jellyfish the Blogger said that she was sorry when told she was being too apologetic.
11. Jellyfish the Blogger has been mistaken for a 14 year old girl with big boobies.
12. The Earth's Yellow sun is thought to be the source of Jellyfish the Blogger's super powers.
13. Jellyfish the Blogger can channel the spirits of fearsome pirate captains while asleep.
14. February 20th is Jellyfish the Blogger's Birthday.

Jellyfish the Blogger is not available in stores, but through this limited internet promotion she can be yours for 16 easy payment of just 189.95!!*

Act Now! Supply is limited!

*50% of all proceeds go to educating headless children who are on fire.

Dogs, Rain, and Tom Cruise

I know my dogs don't like rain and I know that I don't like Tom Cruise. Does that mean that logically it follows that

A) My dogs don't like Tom Cruise

or

B) Tom Cruise does not like rain.

C) Krankiboy has been drinking expired cough syrup.

D) None of the above.

E) Entertain me with your response. I'm running out of cough syrup.

It's a Fact!

Top Ten Trivia Facts about Gwen Stefani!

1. Scientists believe that gwen stefani began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
2. Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in gwen stefani.
3. Gwen stefani can sleep for three and a half years.
4. In Japan it is considered rude to talk with gwen stefani in your mouth.
5. A gwen stefaniometer is used to measure gwen stefani.
6. Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of gwen stefani every year.
7. Gwen stefani cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in her stomach!
8. Bananas don't grow on trees - they grow on gwen stefani.
9. All shrimp are born as gwen stefani, but gradually mature into females!
10. Scientists have discovered that gwen stefani can smell the presence of autism in children!

More Fun Facts about everything here....

No More Hell?

Okay, I have been holding onto this for a long time now.



I was waiting to use it in case I died and got sent someplace boring, like, purgatory, or heaven.

But then I discover that Hell is no more. Gasp!

So wracked my brain for some other way to pass the time, now that my favourite home away from home isn't serving up fresh debauchery and introspection.


First I considered this.


Too labor intensive.






Then this.

Stimulating yes. But too invasive.






So, then I considered doing these...

Too good to be true.





This looked exciting...


But far too dangerous.






This is always a popular pastime.


Too costly for my brain cells and my wallet.





Perhaps I could rediscover my love of hot glueing things on bras and sending them to strange bloggers in NYC.



Beautiful, yes. But too creepy.






I considered collecting nifty comic books. Like this one.


Those wacky nuns. What zany mischief are they into now?


Too juvenile.




In the end I decided to just relax and go for a nice swim to clear my head.



Yes! The Majestic L.A. River was just what I needed to feel dirty and impure. Plus, every time I look upon it, it will always remind me of a cesspool in Hell.


This one's dedicated to you, Sherriff. We'll miss your words.

I Miss You Australia

Dearest Australia,

I miss you so very much my darling. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it itches, and when I go to pee it burns. But anyway the point is I miss you. You're the only Island Continent I'll ever love.

I miss the melodic sound of your accented voice.

I miss your deep, musky smell and I miss your sweet and salty flavour.

I miss the hot summer nights we shared with me sweating on top of you. Exploring you.

I want to once again sink my teeth into your Cherry Ripeness.

I miss the taste of your sweet delicious juice on my tongue.

I miss the sound of a straylin saying "Zebra" so that it rhymes with Debra.

I miss the fresh and organic foods.

I miss your snack chips, beetroot dips, cashew basil spread, turkish bread, jam with actual fruit in it- ours sucks.

I miss your beer gardens with actual gardens inside them.

I miss your Op Shops.

I miss your large dog-friendly parks and the dish-lickers

I miss your Snazzy women.

I miss Bob Ellis (the dog)

I don't miss your smoky bars (pubs) or your schwaggy weed and the flies who insist on landing on my lips.

I miss the tattooed pierced alternachicks that stroll bohemianly up and down Sydney Road.

I miss your beer and your coffee. Not the freakishly small baby-sized glasses that they were served in, but the drinks themselves.

And most of all I miss your great nicknames, like, Sesame, Larky, Sugar, Pig, Stewie, Monkey, Dr. Pump, Shrimp, Dirty, JellyBean, Jellyfish, Ukelele, Mu, Boudist, Hotman, Canoe, Boom Boom, the B, Boss-lady, Wal, Anna A. Spades, Shutzie, Mutzie, Tuppence, Dangerous Dave, Cans, Stabby, Dodgy, Fluffy, Cunty, Rapist, Kiddie Fiddler Fred... And you, Scarecrow. I think I'll miss you most of all.

xoxo Kranki

Another Dick with a Gun

Newsflash:

Wealthy Bitter Old White Man Accidentally Shot by Wealthier More Bitter White Man

Dick Cheney is out hunting birds.

I think that's just great. He accidentally shot a 78 year old friend of his while they were out hunting. You know how those nimble 78 year old men can just sneak up on you? I can't think of a better use of Dick's time than hunting birds. Perhaps Haliburton has fallen on hard times and big Dick needs to kill his own food.

When there is a War still raging in Iraq, major crisis churning in the Middle East and Nuclear threats from Iran and Korea, a crumbling U.S. economy and unprecedented discord between the United States and the United Nations it's time to take serious political action.... or let's all go out and shoot us up some birds. Why? Cuz it feels good to kill little birds. Personally I sleep better knowing that no quail or pheasant or renegade duck is going to attack me in the middle of the night because our Vice Presiturd is out there keeping me safe. Except, you know, if he shoots a human being instead.

If Cheney wants to assert his manliness, I suggest we make it fair and arm the birds with guns of their own.

Related Cheney Article

Mystery Legs

I would be remiss in my duties if I did not share these.























These are not the dog owner's legs? Does that make it okay?

My Boyfriend, My Girlfriend, My Partner...

A Ms. Fits TM post got me thinking. Sure, I know most of her posts get people either laughing or touching themselves or enraged at the lovely conservative stylings of Prime Minister John "I had no knowledge of that" Howard Administration. Although I think I may have touched myself while looking at Fits post featuring a picture of Amanda Vandstone. It was just to see if I could do it. I couldn't. So my dignity is intact? Great. Let's move on.

You aussies (who I love, literally, yes, in the biblical sense) throw around the term "partner" a lot more than the seppo-psycho Americans. It makes sense to me, as do most things Australian except for Vegemite, the Wiggles and watching Cricket on TV) but it does take some getting used to. Here in the States if somebody says "My partner and I" and they're not referring to business or fighting crime then it's 97.9% likely that they are gay. Case closed, end of discussion, dismiss the jury. The problem is that it gets a bit ridiculous when Americans have been together for 7 years and have a kid or two, and they are still calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. What we need is an in-between category that comes before fiance that describes a serious relationship between people who are neither engaged or married.

I'm going to suggest we use the term "keeper." As in "Hey Frank, have you met my keeper, Jane?" It indicates deeper caring than b.f. or g.f. and you've obviously been keeping them to yourself. It's just wrong not to get up graded.

Even on the TV show Happy Days they got promoted to Sweetheart status if you were "going steady." I should have been a linguist. I missed my calling.

Good old Happy Days. Remember when Fonzie jumped the shark on his motorbike. I feel that the show had really jumped the shark by that point. Then Mork actually showed up on one episode they were fucking with my alternate reality. Yes, Mork supposedly time-traveled to Al's Diner? I may have strayed of topic.

Cheers (not the sitcom, just good-bye)

Peerless Journalism Returns

A Message from the Editor

Dear 7 remaining readers of the Krankiboy Khronicles. The Associate Editors and the Board of Directors would like to thank you for your loyal readership and unwavering support during a tumultuous time. We are truly and deeply sorry you don't have anything better to do and we value both your comments and breathy erotic phone messages.

Dangnabbity nibbit!

Sincerely kids, thanks for sticking through the lean times with me. After we were busted for running that child pornography ring and cooking up methamphetamines in the lab we lost a lot of readership. The fact that you don't care about morality or the reckless degradation and poisoning of children says a great deal about you. For that I thank you. Wow, so much has happened in the last eight days. The branches of the Khronicles in Vienna, Bombay, Hazzard County, Prague, Gobbler's Gulch, and Rome were all hit in a raid by the CIA. These anti-terrorism laws and so called Patriot Acts are out of control. If a group of people can't build a few dozen anthrax warheads and produce false passports to sell on the black market, then I don't know what the world is coming to.

We even lost our DSL service for a few weeks there. Do you have any idea how hard it is to transmit American military troop movements by phone? You might as well tie a note to a chicken.

Sorry to vent, but it's been a real headache. Fortunately we had a good lawyer and he had the charges reduced to littering and disturbing the peace. Nearly all the branch offices are back up and running. Still no word from the Sudanese office. Maybe it's somebody's birthday and they just took an extended lunch.

We did lose Gobbler's Gulch. While the United States Government had the land seized pending the treason charges against me some hot-shot wealthy philanthropist bastard bought the land that the building was on, knocked down the compound and turned it into a nature preserve for endangered animals. Selfish bastard. He probably just did it to impress some Green Peace chick so she'd finally put out. You shouldn't worry because I have a strong suspicion that he and the animals might not be that careful and could meet with a little accident. Panda Bears are notoriously bad drivers so if they were to... Oh, I don't know, perhaps, drive a tanker truck full of explosive toxic waste into the beautiful central waterfall I don't think it would arouse much suspicion. That's what happens when you go around philanthropping into other people's business. Or so I hear. So yes, we are back and I finally got my DSL service up and running in my office. No thanks to the little Oriental kids who we "obtained" to "work" for us. I'm getting too old to worry about what's cool anymore. Sure from my blog some of you might be under the impression that I appear 24 or 25 years old. In fact I am actually... you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Okay. 104 years old. See, I knew you wouldn't believe me. That's the problem with you young people you don't believe everything you see and hear and read on television or at the picture shows. When I was a boy back in 1911 we believed what we were told. Everything damn thing. We didn't question the way things were and everything was perfect. In fact, I can remember back to a time when you could buy a good sized city like Chicago for just a nickel. Fortunately you can still have somebody assassinated on the streets of Hong Kong for 15 American dollars. That includes tip.
=====================
Time without my internet connection was starting to affect me personally. I could feel the nerd juice draining out of my body. Now, after just a few hours of screen time I am feeling almost totally dweebhydrated. I hope you'll agree that the quality of the writing is just as pointlessly retarded as ever. How do we do it you might ask. It's a simple recepie really. 1 part gibberish, 2 parts sleep deprivation, a scoop of chemical imbalance, 1 unsettling childhood, a generous sprinkle of failed marriage, a table spoon of blatant lies, a dash of narcicism and just a tiny pinch of effort.

So look for great things in the Krankiboy Khronicles to kome. Including an expose on the gritty under-belly of Australian Culture, some imaginary diseases, and rare naked pictures of Abraham Lincoln. Answers and Advice from The Wizard himself and random images I accidentally find while surfing for raunchy girl on turtle pornography.

Cheers, Tot Ziens, and don't forget to cradle those balls!

Krankiboy